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How to deal with bullying… i guess NSFW

by on 06/20/2012

Stop being such a pussy…

If there’s one thing i learned through out my years of life it’s that being a pussy about being made fun of will never help, i’m hear to tell you he truth of how it really is. i know this line is abused excessively but please god i beg of you to trust me when i say i’ve been there too. you’re not alone bullying fucking sucks. especially when your either A. fat B. quiet and shy or have a personality that no one can understand C. don’t know how to stand up for yourself or D. all of the above. which i was right on the spot with. the first ttime i bullied was in the 5th grade probably the worst. the kids were so mean to me that i don’t want to even talk about it. (i realize their kids but fuck that what they did was so soulless that i haven’t cried since of a feeling i can’t describe) 6th grade was also bad but i went to a school where the insults they through at me were so sophisticated i dodn’t know they were even insulting me but the ones that i got i retaliated with a fist. so it didn’t take me long to get expelled from that school the first thing i realized was that as much as someone might exploit it. no matter how fat you are or how shy you are. people will avoid a fight when they realize you will if it stops them from bullying you. i first experienced this when i got into my first fight in the seventh grade whith a boy who called me fat and ugly. the ugly part didn’t get me but the whole class would laugh when this kid made fun of my man tits in science class. and admittedly, i would’ve laughed to he was pretty funny and i was pretty fat. so one day i finally said i wanted to fight him, he tried to avoid it claiming i was too much of a pussy or too fat. so i did. one day we were in the restroom i said “i’m sick of you talking shit” so i punched him in the stomach and we fought. i won. and for the first time i felt just a little bit like i was a man and not some fucking weirdo who was unaccepted by every body.

The next year was 8th grade where the most pathetic thing would happen to me something so pathetic i would kick my own ass for dealing with that kind of abuse. when i was sitting in my history class one day i dropped a pencil. i bent over to pick it up when a girl kicked me in the face. i shit you not kicked me in the fucking face. i did nothing. i kept trying to pick up my pencil while she asked me why i wouldn’t pick up my pencil, when i muttered fuck you. she got up and started yelling at me. i didn’t hear a word she said, all i heard was the voice in my head telling me to stab her in her fucking throat with the pencil i finally picked up from the floor that would stay imaged in my mind to this day. i couldn’t hit a girl, not that i would’ve after i all i was still a little punk bitch. so she got her boyfriend to fight me. he was a crip and a pretty big one for the 8th grade. it wasn’t that uncommon to have trouble with a gang member living in the neighborhood i live in; not saying it’s fucking compton but it wasn’t the greatest of places to live i had let out all my anger and jumped at him with all my might which was the last thing i remember because i got knocked the fuck out hahaha. for some reason i didn’t go home with a suspension. surprisingly there was no blood. because i was out cold and had woken up in the nurses office. the rest of that year was no better. it was basically me trying to avoid human contact, me hoping that some people didn’t hate me as much as i thought they did, and me praying every day that as i was driven to school by my mom an 18 wheeler would t-bone the shit out of us killing me but leaving my mom completely unharmed.

8th grade was over (finally!!!). ninth grade was just beginning this was the year i realized that being different was also a problem. and that being just like every one else was what you pretty much had to do to maintain friends and seem like an average kid and not some weirdo. as horrible as it sounds being your own man is what made eric and dylan take matters into their own hands and make people like you wonder why? when the answer was so obvious that you wouldn’t notice it if it walked right the fuck in front of you. to survive you pretty much had to study how every one else acted and duplicate their personality’s. another thing i learned was that you never tell a teacher or and adult about a bully or a fight. that will pretty much destroy everything you’ve worked for to seem like a normal kid by god tell your therapist if you have one and i guess tell your parents (i never mustered up enough strength to tell mine) but do so if you think they’ll understand mine were really old so thought they could never understand how black my heart had become at that point.

How i coped with it, changed myself, and the one thing i would come to realize that would rip the very last ounce of care i had for other people…

When i had to cope with my problems with bullying i made myself seem really moody and cool around people that i knew that didn’t go to school with me saying things like “yeah i get into fights all the time” and shit like that. also coped with it by bottling up all the hate and pain i had never expressing it. i hadn’t cried since the 5th grade and still haven’t. maybe i should. when i changed my self it wasn’t for the acceptance for other people which i once again realize that people say all the time but it was true. i got a gym pass and improved for simply something to let my anger out on. lifting weights and running pretty much made me feel like it was the only thing i was good at other than hating people and staring at my ceiling. but although this happened i had a great junior year. it was pretty damn smooth. but not long ago i realized something that would change me. and not for the good. i realized late as fuck that i hadn’t had it that bad. millions of people out there had it much worse than me and probably you too. especially my best friend Ibrahim. he would be beaten up every day and loved in a house with no one to talk to his mom was nice but he had no one to talk to but me. but the problem in this matter was that at one point we had gotten into a fight were we swore off talking to each other. it wasn’t until after we met back up that i realized that he had attempted suicide. it made me hate everyone. all the people that made fun of me, all the people that made fun of him. the last ounce of care i had for them was shed and the only thing that stood was hate. and boy did it hold strong. today i’ve learned not to hate as much but to try as hard as i can to forgive. maybe that’s why whenever i see something disgustingly gory on the internet i’m not so disgusted by it due to the fact that i had already imagined the kids that made fun of me in that same predicament when i was younger. i’m doing pretty well i never had a therapist or a psychologist. i’m not fucking crazy i just didn’t really have anyone to talk to either. making me an isolated little hate machine. but now that i have friends at school know how to act and even had a few girls tell me i’m not as horrifyingly ugly as i once was, i can laugh and finally enjoy school a lot more than i used to. if you’re being bullied instead of holding in the hate. fight with the kids who make fun of you. even though you’ll probably… no will lose. it’s still a nice way to release anger and you won’t be driven to insanity as i was on the brink of. and after a fight people will know you’re not a punk bitch.

Hoped this helped

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