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Pulling Off the Perfect Crime

Tip #1: If you plan to shoot someone, gather large amounts of shell casings from your local gun range (there should be plenty of casings lying on the ground) and dump them at the scene of the crime to confuse law enforcement.

Tip #2: Before disposing of a body, have a fish fry. Then call the authorities because there’s a dead body!

Tip #3: Before killing someone, kill everyone they know so no one will know they are gone.

Tip #4: Before using a knife to kill someone, warm the butter up to make it easier to slice.

Tip #5: Leave ice cream sandwiches at a crime scene to confuse, distract, and fatten cops. When they have finished eating they will be disappointed with themselves and promptly leave.

Tip #6: When shoplifting, throw money in the store owner’s face to distract him or her.

Tip #7: (This tip is different than our normal Knowledge) When pirating movies/music/games/food, ask the creators for permission and promise to delete the food after you are done with it.

Tip #8: Paint your windows (and your windshield) black to hide the contents of your car and yourself from the outside world. You shouldn’t have to worry about not being able to check your blind spots, you are already a felon.

  1. boomgood permalink

    I’m still a little unsure about #1. Why would you need to leave casings at all?

    • How are they going to know which casing is yours? Even if you take your own casing, the cops won’t know whose casings are on the ground.

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